the boyfriend code
it’s always fun talking to somebody and getting boyfriended.
i: hey, those are nice shoes.
she: yeah, my boyfriend helped me pick them out.
i: that was nice of him.
i: i like your shirt.
she: yeah, my boyfriend made it for me.
i: i find that unlikely.
i: hi.
she: boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend
i: next!
anyway, i’m actually not here to ridicule the code. it’s useful to have a flag to put up without being so impolite as to disrupt what may, after all, just be a polite conversation by declaring “I AM NOT INTERESTED.”
anyway, part of my point is that conversant A does this correctly–it fits into the flow of the conversation, and is at least plausible. B, not so much. C is right out.
but my real point is this: it makes it difficult for women to talk about past boyfriends without confusing the other. example:
… middle of conversation
she: last year, my boyfriend and i went to montreal and
… story continues, and boyfriend plays an integral part of the story
this is confusing. she mentioned a boyfriend. however, it was in the context of a story in which he must be introduced (and let’s just say it’s important he’s her boyfriend, too). is he still her boyfriend? is she currently single? can’t tell from the story. and it’s in the middle of an interesting conversation during which (say) no other mention of a boyfriend has come up. did she bring up the story with the boyfriend just to invoke the boyfriend code? or was it unintentional?
anyway, that was the real point–to mention that the code makes it difficult to tell an interesting story about a former boyfriend/girlfriend (presumably in an early conversation with a former stranger) without explicitly mentioning “my ex,” which may distract from the telling.
also, what made me think of this was: it’s nice to have an interesting conversation with a female acquaintance without having the boyfriend code invoked. we’re not good friends, but we know each other’s dating status and don’t have to go through such a clumsy information exchange every conversation. (with good friends, of course, use of this code would indicate a foul on somebody’s part, but mention of SOs does not automatically invoke the code.)