Resblog

Wow, so it’s been 3 weeks. My time has been absolutely flying by. If only my productiveness felt proportional. Anyway, without further ado—
1/2. The running and exercising have been ok. I’d like more time to work out but I would like more time for a lot of things. I should be up to 3.5 miles on a regular basis shortly. I am not, however, losing weight or toning up in the ab/ass region. I blame Nessa. It’s totally sympathy weight. My thighs are fabulous though and my arms are rocking.

3. I am so very poor. I’ve been keeping track of how much money goes where this past month though and hopefully that will help. I think the major problem is that I don’t make enough to have wiggle room in my budget and not that I’m irresponsible. When I get out of grad school though I’ll be able to have a car and an apartment and food, all at the same time. Things to look forward too! I’ll try cutting back on food since I’m getting older and don’t need as many calories anyway.

4. Things are still stressful a lot but I’m really trying to stay calm and fix what I can and ignore/accept what I cannot. I also try to relax and enjoy some free time before I crash for the night.

so…i am totally resolved to do many things. i have been meaning to get them up here for a while; i think meg must have been feeling lonely all up in here with her badass. things i want to work on:
1) being more comfortable w. loneliness. somewhere around 21 i became completely phobic of solitary time. it’s gotten really bad–i can’t go out alone and i rarely can function without the knowledge that i will not be alone. i need to change this. i am trying slowly working my way to taking more time outs and down time. there’s been this adjacent problem of double and triple booking–like, “oh we should hang out,” and then i invite other people to do whatever it is we are doing. i think it’s the need to be but not be the social center superstar or whatevs. i need to not do this also. one-on-one time and lone time is a must have.
2) gym. but for me.
3) less clothing.
4) less extravagance now and more travel. i think i fritter away too much effort/time/money/mental energy on the hit et nunc when i should be sparing it for later. and i certainly need to travel back to germany. soon.
5) being a better long-distance friend. i have a hard time doing this. i get busy. i put things off.
6) less internet. funny i am writing this on an internet blog, but it’s totally true. ebay–this one’s lookin your way.

Let’s see. On the exercise front I’m doing well. The charity challenge log has helped me keep better track of my exercising. On average the past three weeks I’ve exercised for 5.7 hours a week. I have also reached 3 miles in my regular jogging routine. I think this is good considering these weeks include a weekend up north and a week of exercising outside. Speaking of which, I calibrated the pedometer I got as part of the charity challenge and hit about 7000 steps a day this weekend. I think I got a few hundred more than that but I took it off for just walking around the house because the clip was irritating my hip. I think I also ran about 4 miles on Saturday because I had calibrated it to my walking pace instead, not wanting to run in my apartment. I fixed that though when I got home. I got an idea of how off I was by knowing how long it takes me to run 3 miles and checked that against the one wall that I measured. I should’ve remembered that running in my apartment is easy, my upstairs neighbors do it all the time.

Despite all this running I think I’ve actually gained 2-3lbs since the new year. Not muscle. Except maybe my arms, but there is not an extra pound of muscle per arm since January. I think I’m eating too much at dinner since I don’t really snack and my breakfasts and lunches are small-average sized. I think that the normal calorie intake for an adult woman is somewhere between 1500 and 2000 a day, which I am usually not going over, but apparently I need to cut down further. Again, this is about being my healthiest and not conforming to the ridiculous skeleton standards of beauty these days.

I’m doing ok on the money front too. I’ve spent a bit on gifts for people and probably too much eating out but that should subside for a while. I made a big/expensive trip to the grocery store yesterday so that food should last me a while. Hopefully most of the month. I might have to be somewhat vegetarian because meat is so expensive. Which is a bummer. I bought myself a new spring/summer outfit and that’s about it since buying Anchorman, which was subsidized by a gift certificate. Still, I made my budget on my initial salary which has been decreased $100-300 a month (roughly, depending on whether the semester is going on or not) and I’m not getting money back from my taxes so things are a bit tight. I’d like to do better though, as with everything, so I’ll see what I can cut back on.

The quarter life crisis is in control, I think. It’s tough having just about every part of your life go crazy at once and leave you little resources to fix it. I think accepting that my parents and others will always see me as the perfect child (or whatever) while simulataneously seeing me as a selfish person out to hurt them with every second of my day/complete incompetent/whatever helps. Nothing I’ve tried has really helped that so it’s just up to them. It’s like the whole world is dissociative. But I’d rather not focus on this too much. It is good that I’m getting a handle on things though. Hopefully I can get my share of craptacular life experiences out of the way now so that things will be relatively smooth from say, 25 to old age. :-)